Martha Curtis
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Standing Tall in the Face of Tall Poppy Syndrome: Embracing Success and Overcoming Criticism

10/27/2024

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​Recently, I came across a video featuring a German emigrant to the U.S. sharing his experience of a cultural shift that resonated deeply with me. He described a subtle but powerful barrier in his homeland that stifled growth and discouraged standing out. Although he couldn’t pinpoint the cause, it immediately clicked for me—what he described was Tall Poppy Syndrome.

Tall Poppy Syndrome is a social phenomenon where individuals who achieve success or stand out are “cut down” by others to maintain a sense of equality. I’ve personally encountered this dynamic throughout my career, both in my experiences and in my work with clients, particularly those who have had to overcome the weight of others’ criticism and negativity to achieve their dreams. This realization led me to reflect on my own journey and reinforced the importance of understanding Tall Poppy Syndrome to protect one’s growth and well-being.

Understanding Tall Poppy Syndrome
Tall Poppy Syndrome is rooted in social psychology, drawing from social comparison theory. People often measure their own self-worth by comparing themselves to others, and when someone stands out, it can evoke feelings of inadequacy or envy, leading to criticism or subtle forms of undermining behavior (Festinger, 1954). The term itself comes from the metaphor that a poppy growing taller than others will be trimmed back to maintain uniformity.

This tendency to cut down “tall poppies” appears particularly common in cultures that value conformity, such as certain parts of Europe and Australia, according to research published in the Journal of Business Ethics (Feather, 1994). Instead of celebrating individual achievements, the success of others is often diminished, making it challenging for high-achieving individuals to thrive without facing criticism or backlash.

Why Recognizing This Dynamic Matters
Experiencing Tall Poppy Syndrome can be disheartening, whether it’s in your career, personal life, or creative pursuits. However, understanding that this negativity often stems from others’ insecurities, rather than any shortcomings of your own, can help shift your perspective and alleviate the impact of such criticism. Research shows that people with high self-determination—those who pursue personal goals aligned with intrinsic values—are less affected by envy or external criticism (Deci & Ryan, 2000). By grounding our achievements in personal growth and internal motivations, we can cultivate resilience to external judgments.

I share these insights not only to help others recognize and cope with Tall Poppy Syndrome but also to encourage each of us to celebrate our success and uniqueness without guilt. Embracing our individuality and achievements can inspire those around us to do the same.

Overcoming Tall Poppy Syndrome: Key Strategies
If you’ve ever felt the sting of being “cut down” for standing out, here are some strategies to stay true to yourself and continue shining:

Celebrate Your Wins, Big and Small
  • Acknowledge your achievements, whether it’s a career milestone, a creative project, or a moment of personal growth. Even in the face of criticism, recognize each step forward as a reflection of your dedication and resilience.

Embrace Your Uniqueness
  • Your individuality is a strength, not a weakness. Research indicates that authentic self-expression—when you embrace who you truly are—leads to increased happiness and well-being (Kernis & Goldman, 2006). While it may be tempting to blend in, standing out allows others to be inspired to embrace their own uniqueness.

Find Your Support Network
  • Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Research underscores the importance of social support in overcoming adversity and building resilience (Cohen & Wills, 1985). Seek out mentors, friends, and colleagues who celebrate your success, helping you to maintain a positive perspective.

Respond to Criticism with Compassion
  • Understand that others’ negativity often comes from their own insecurities. Rather than internalizing their criticism, respond with compassion. Stay focused on your journey, and trust in your abilities to guide you.

A Personal Journey with Tall Poppy Syndrome
Reflecting on my own experiences, I remember back in 2010 when I developed an app about Transactional Analysis (TA). At the time, no other app seemed to cover this niche, and I was excited to offer this resource to others. When I shared it, however, a senior colleague disparaged my work, claiming her app had come first—even though, as it turned out, hers was still in development. Rather than viewing my app as a benefit to the field, she saw it as competition.

The criticism was disheartening. I ended up removing the app from the store, convinced that I had somehow overstepped. Looking back, I realize I had let someone else’s insecurity derail my efforts. What truly mattered was the value the app could provide, not who released it first. It was a pivotal experience in my journey to understand and rise above Tall Poppy Syndrome, reinforcing that there is space for everyone to make their unique contributions.

Another instance came when I opened a therapy center, 1.5 miles distance from an established one. Rather than recognizing the potential for collaboration, the existing center’s response was antagonistic. This reaction exemplified scarcity thinking, where competition and fear overshadow a broader view of collective benefit. These encounters helped me recognize that Tall Poppy Syndrome is often driven by fear, scarcity, and insecurity—and that true success lies in staying committed to one’s mission and values.

Keep Growing, Keep Shining
Tall Poppy Syndrome can be a challenge, but recognizing and understanding it is a powerful first step toward overcoming it. The next time you achieve something, take a moment to celebrate it as a testament to your hard work, passion, and perseverance. Remember that standing tall doesn’t just benefit you—it sends a ripple effect that encourages others to embrace their own growth and potential.

At the end of the day, your success and uniqueness are worth celebrating. Don’t let anyone else’s discomfort convince you to shrink. Embrace your passion, your creativity, and your impact, and let your light shine for all to see.

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The Burnout Trap of Hustle Culture and Why Sustainable Change Matters

9/29/2024

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​This week, I found myself reflecting on something that comes up a lot in my sessions with clients—hustle culture and the impact it has on people. Recently, a couple of clients shared their experiences with hustle-style coaching, and it reminded me of a common pattern I’ve seen over time. This isn’t just about life coaching; it also happens in fitness, career development, and personal growth. Today, I want to talk about the differences between the hustle mentality and more sustainable, positive approaches because I see the effects so often in my work.

What Happens with Hustle Culture
Hustle culture is all about pushing through. It’s that “all or nothing” mentality that says you have to keep grinding, keep pushing yourself, and maintain extreme discipline to succeed. And for many people, it works—for a while. They see quick results, whether it’s weight loss, career advancement, or achieving personal goals. That initial success can feel empowering, like all the hard work is paying off.

But here’s where the problem begins. The hustle mentality often doesn’t allow room for rest, reflection, or flexibility. It’s built on the idea that discipline alone is the key to success, and if you stop, even for a moment, you’re failing. For many people, this leads to burnout. They find themselves exhausted, unable to keep up with the demands they’ve set for themselves or that a coach has imposed on them.

What’s worse is that when this happens, people often blame themselves. Instead of recognizing that the approach they’re using is unsustainable, they think they’ve failed because they weren’t disciplined enough or strong enough to stick with it. The inner critic becomes louder, and feelings of inadequacy take over. People start thinking, “I’m just not good enough,” or “I need to work harder,” when really, it’s the method itself that’s flawed.

The Impact of Quick-Fix Coaching
In fitness coaching, for example, I’ve seen clients follow programs that promise quick results—rapid weight loss, major body transformations. At first, they feel excited by the immediate progress. But these programs often demand extreme discipline, with rigid rules and no room for personal adjustment. Eventually, the results slow down or plateau, and people feel like they’ve lost momentum. That’s when burnout sets in, and they start to feel like they’ve failed, blaming themselves for not keeping up.

Similarly, in career or personal development coaching, hustle culture can push people to overwork themselves. They might see quick wins—like landing a promotion or hitting a big career milestone—but they’re constantly pushing at full speed. Without time for reflection or self-care, they lose balance. When progress stalls or stress takes over, they feel defeated, as though they should have been able to keep going without breaking down.

Why Positive, Sustainable Approaches Work Better
There’s a big difference between this “hustle” mentality and a more sustainable, positive psychology approach. In my work, I focus on helping clients develop skills and habits that they can maintain over the long term. It’s not about quick wins or extreme discipline. Instead, it’s about understanding their strengths, working with their natural tendencies, and focusing on self-care and balance.

Here’s why this matters:
  • Self-Compassion vs. Self-Criticism: Hustle culture often fuels the inner critic, making people feel like they’re not good enough when they can’t keep up. In contrast, a positive approach helps people develop self-compassion, recognizing that growth doesn’t have to be a grind, and it’s okay to move at a slower, more manageable pace.
  • Sustainability vs. Burnout: While hustle culture leads to quick wins followed by burnout, sustainable approaches focus on gradual progress. When people work with their strengths and build healthy habits, they’re more likely to keep going without burning out.
  • Lasting Confidence vs. Temporary Success: Clients who follow strength-based, person-centered approaches often discover strengths they didn’t realize they had. This builds lasting confidence and self-esteem, rather than the temporary high that comes with quick wins. They feel empowered to keep going because they’re working with themselves, not against themselves.

Why People Blame Themselves
One of the hardest things for people to realize is that when burnout happens, it’s not their fault. The hustle mentality makes them believe that if they didn’t succeed, it’s because they didn’t try hard enough. But in reality, it’s because the system they were following wasn’t built to last. These quick-fix programs set people up for a cycle of early success followed by burnout and self-blame.

If you’ve ever felt this way—like you’re pushing yourself too hard and it’s still not enough—please know that it’s not about you lacking discipline or willpower. It’s about finding an approach that works for you in a sustainable way.

How to Shift to a Sustainable Approach
If you’re ready to move away from the hustle mentality and toward something that actually works long-term, here are a few things to consider:
  1. Focus on Your Strengths: What are you naturally good at? Build your approach around those strengths rather than trying to force yourself to fit into a rigid program that doesn’t align with who you are.
  2. Allow for Flexibility: It’s okay to adjust your goals or take a break when you need it. Growth isn’t linear, and sometimes slowing down is exactly what you need to keep going in the long run.
  3. Check In with Yourself: Regularly ask yourself how you’re feeling—both physically and mentally. If you’re starting to feel burned out, it’s a sign to re-evaluate and maybe ease up a bit.
  4. Celebrate Small Wins: Progress is progress, no matter how small. Celebrate the steps you’re taking rather than focusing only on the big milestones. This helps you stay motivated without the pressure to achieve everything at once.
  5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. If you’re feeling drained or unmotivated, don’t beat yourself up. Recognize that it’s normal to feel this way, and take time to care for yourself. Self-compassion is a key part of sustainable success.

The Positive Side of Sustainable Growth
I’ve seen clients achieve lasting change by focusing on these more balanced, self-compassionate approaches. Instead of chasing quick wins, they’re building habits that last and learning to appreciate the journey. Sustainable growth isn’t about perfection or pushing yourself to the limit—it’s about creating a path that works for you and allows you to feel good along the way.

If any of this resonates with you or you’ve found yourself stuck in a hustle cycle, I encourage you to take a step back and think about what’s really working for you. Lasting change doesn’t have to be painful. It can be rooted in self-care, awareness, and steady progress. And in the end, that’s where real growth happens.

I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences with hustle culture and whether this resonates with you. Feel free to reach out anytime.

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How to Improve your Ability to Adapt

1/13/2022

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It's only natural for humans to resist change. It takes time, dedication, and energy to make changes. But the world around us is rapidly changing, and adaptability is one of the most important skills you can have to thrive in this fast-paced world.
It may be difficult to recognize your own adaptability levels at first glance. This article will teach you how to recognize different types of adaptability and how to adapt to change.
 
The Importance of Adaptability in the World
The world is a quickly-changing place. You may be reluctant to make changes yourself, but adapting to the constant change around us is critical for success. If you can't adapt, changes will leave you behind.
In contrast to the predictable environment of yesteryear, today's world presents a slew of challenges and opportunities. Some days, it's difficult to keep up with all of the fresh information that whizzes past our screens and into our brains.
But being out of sync isn't just frustrating.
Those who thrive are those who learn from those who have come before them and have adapted to changing conditions with ease.
Here are some signs that you might need to work on your adaptability:
- You resist change even when it's good for you
- You look back instead of looking forward
- You resist learning new things
- You prefer predictable situations to unpredictable ones
 
What Is Adaptability Actually?
Adaptability is the ability to adjust or change oneself to new circumstances.
The concept of adaptability can be applied in many situations, such as at work, with friends, and in relationships. It's important to note that not everyone has the same levels of natural adaptability skills. Some people are more naturally flexible by nature, while others may need to work harder. However, there are ways you can improve even if you're on the less flexible end of the spectrum!
 
Different Kinds Of Adaptability
There are three different types of adaptability skills. The first type is called passive-adaptation, which is the skill of adjusting to your environment without too much conscious effort. You may not even notice that you're doing it!
The second type is called active-adaptation, which is the skill of changing your environment to suit you. It's similar to the first type but requires more mental engagement.
Finally, there's interactive-adaptation, which is the skill of changing both yourself and your surroundings at the same time. This third category requires a lot of work and can be exhausting or even frustrating at times.
If you find that you struggle with one or more types, don't worry! There are many ways to improve your skills in order to better adapt to any situation. Some tips include:
* Meditating regularly
* Working on difficult conversations
* Practicing mindfulness during challenging moments
 
How To Adapt To Change
1. Don't be afraid to try new things - Change can be scary, but it's also exciting. You don't know what change has in store for you, and that's what makes it exhilarating. There's no better way to grow than by taking risks and trying new things. Engage your child-like curiosity. 
2. Get creative - You can never predict how a situation is going to turn out, and that means you should always prepare for the best and worst. The best way to do this is to remain open-minded and get creative when handling unexpected changes in your life. Engage your playfulness.
3. Don't quit when the going gets tough - When faced with an obstacle, some people will feel like giving up or settling for less than they deserve because they think it's the easier thing to do. You'll never get what you want if you settle for less than what you deserve in life—don't give up at the first hurdle. However, it is also important to know when it's time to quit. Don't stick with something just for the sake of it.
4. Have faith - Sometimes without warning, everything changes in our lives all at once. When these storms come along, have faith that everything is going to work out eventually because there are so many opportunities around every corner, you just have to keep looking for them! And yes, this can sound overly optimistic if you are going through a rough patch in life or work, but help often arrives at the most unexpected moments. 
5. Be open-minded. I said it before, I say it again. Even if everyone around you is a stickler for doing the same things over and over again, be open to new perspectives and opportunities. Sometimes going against the grain will be your biggest advantage.

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Member of:
UKATA -
UK Association of Transactional Analysis

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​© COPYRIGHT 2023. - Martha Curtis
Statement of Ethical Practice
I conduct myself personally and professionally according to the highest standards of honesty and integrity and always hold the best interests of my clients as paramount and in strict confidence. I continuously strive for excellence in our coaching relationship and do not more outside the limits of my knowledge and expertise. I am a member of the International Coach Federation and abide by their Code of Ethics.
  • Home
  • About
  • Psychotherapy
  • Why Positive Psychology?
  • Coaching
    • For Women
    • Meditation
    • Self-Worth Program
    • For Creatives
    • Positive Psychology Resources
    • For Coaches >
      • Join the Reciprocal Coaching Circle
  • Book a Session here
  • Testimonials
  • How healthy is your social circle? (free worksheet)
  • Articles
  • Get in touch
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