I recently came across a fascinating article in the Harvard Business Review that sheds light on how men and women approach leadership under stress. For years, society has perpetuated the idea that effective leaders are unemotional and hyper-rational, often to the detriment of women, who are stereotyped as “too emotional” to lead. However, this research flips that notion on its head, showing that women may actually excel in emotional resilience, particularly in high-stress situations.
Surprising Findings on Anxiety, Hope, and Leadership
The study examined two emotions that frequently emerge during uncertainty: anxiety and hope. Most of us can relate to the sensations these emotions bring—anxiety makes us feel out of control, while hope provides a sense of steadiness and optimism. These emotions, while universal, impact men and women leaders differently.
The researchers discovered that men’s leadership behaviors often shifted dramatically depending on their emotional state. When men felt anxious, they were more likely to display frustration or engage in harsher behaviors, such as criticism or even rudeness, as a way to regain control. Conversely, when men felt hopeful, their leadership behaviors became more supportive and empathetic.
Women, on the other hand, presented a different pattern. Despite reporting higher levels of anxiety than men, women leaders maintained steady and supportive leadership behaviors, prioritizing their team members’ needs over their own emotional turbulence. This steadiness occurred regardless of whether they felt anxious or hopeful, highlighting a unique emotional resilience.
Why Women Leaders Are Less Driven by Emotion
This difference can be traced back to socialization and societal expectations. Women are often encouraged to prioritize the needs of others, which can translate into a focus on their team during stressful situations. Rather than allowing their personal emotions to dictate their actions, they manage these feelings internally—a concept known in psychology as emotional labor.
Emotional labor involves regulating one’s emotions to maintain stability and support for others. This skill, often expected of women in both personal and professional settings, contradicts outdated stereotypes of women being “too emotional” for leadership. Instead, it underscores their ability to remain calm and compassionate, even in the face of uncertainty.
Why This Matters for Leadership Today
This research challenges traditional ideas about what makes an effective leader. In today’s workplaces, employees increasingly seek leaders who display empathy and understanding—qualities that help teams navigate uncertain and challenging times. The findings suggest that women may already be practicing these skills naturally, often to the benefit of their teams.
Yet, there’s a double standard at play. While men are often rewarded for showing warmth and compassion in leadership, women leaders may face penalties for being perceived as “too emotional” or overly nurturing. This double bind reinforces outdated biases and can make it harder for women to receive the recognition they deserve.
How to Spot These Dynamics in Your Own Workplace
The next time you’re observing leadership dynamics in your workplace, consider these questions:

• Have you noticed differences in how male and female leaders respond to stress or uncertainty?
• Do certain leaders seem to naturally offer more compassionate or supportive leadership during challenging times?
• Are there noticeable differences in how male and female leaders are perceived when they show emotions in the workplace?

Recognizing these patterns can help you identify areas where leadership diversity and emotional resilience are either celebrated or undervalued.
Emotional Resilience and Compassion Are Leadership Essentials
This research highlights that emotional resilience and compassionate leadership are not just “nice to have”—they’re essential for creating workplaces that thrive under pressure. Recognizing the value of diverse leadership styles, especially during challenging times, can pave the way for more inclusive and effective workplaces.
What about you? Do these findings resonate with your own observations or experiences? Have you noticed these dynamics play out in your professional life? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

​Recently, I came across a video featuring a German emigrant to the U.S. sharing his experience of a cultural shift that resonated deeply with me. He described a subtle but powerful barrier in his homeland that stifled growth and discouraged standing out. Although he couldn’t pinpoint the cause, it immediately clicked for me—what he described was Tall Poppy Syndrome.

Tall Poppy Syndrome is a social phenomenon where individuals who achieve success or stand out are “cut down” by others to maintain a sense of equality. I’ve personally encountered this dynamic throughout my career, both in my experiences and in my work with clients, particularly those who have had to overcome the weight of others’ criticism and negativity to achieve their dreams. This realization led me to reflect on my own journey and reinforced the importance of understanding Tall Poppy Syndrome to protect one’s growth and well-being.

Understanding Tall Poppy Syndrome
Tall Poppy Syndrome is rooted in social psychology, drawing from social comparison theory. People often measure their own self-worth by comparing themselves to others, and when someone stands out, it can evoke feelings of inadequacy or envy, leading to criticism or subtle forms of undermining behavior (Festinger, 1954). The term itself comes from the metaphor that a poppy growing taller than others will be trimmed back to maintain uniformity.

This tendency to cut down “tall poppies” appears particularly common in cultures that value conformity, such as certain parts of Europe and Australia, according to research published in the Journal of Business Ethics (Feather, 1994). Instead of celebrating individual achievements, the success of others is often diminished, making it challenging for high-achieving individuals to thrive without facing criticism or backlash.

Why Recognizing This Dynamic Matters
Experiencing Tall Poppy Syndrome can be disheartening, whether it’s in your career, personal life, or creative pursuits. However, understanding that this negativity often stems from others’ insecurities, rather than any shortcomings of your own, can help shift your perspective and alleviate the impact of such criticism. Research shows that people with high self-determination—those who pursue personal goals aligned with intrinsic values—are less affected by envy or external criticism (Deci & Ryan, 2000). By grounding our achievements in personal growth and internal motivations, we can cultivate resilience to external judgments.

I share these insights not only to help others recognize and cope with Tall Poppy Syndrome but also to encourage each of us to celebrate our success and uniqueness without guilt. Embracing our individuality and achievements can inspire those around us to do the same.

Overcoming Tall Poppy Syndrome: Key Strategies
If you’ve ever felt the sting of being “cut down” for standing out, here are some strategies to stay true to yourself and continue shining:

Celebrate Your Wins, Big and Small

• Acknowledge your achievements, whether it’s a career milestone, a creative project, or a moment of personal growth. Even in the face of criticism, recognize each step forward as a reflection of your dedication and resilience.

Embrace Your Uniqueness

• Your individuality is a strength, not a weakness. Research indicates that authentic self-expression—when you embrace who you truly are—leads to increased happiness and well-being (Kernis & Goldman, 2006). While it may be tempting to blend in, standing out allows others to be inspired to embrace their own uniqueness.

Find Your Support Network

• Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Research underscores the importance of social support in overcoming adversity and building resilience (Cohen & Wills, 1985). Seek out mentors, friends, and colleagues who celebrate your success, helping you to maintain a positive perspective.

Respond to Criticism with Compassion

• Understand that others’ negativity often comes from their own insecurities. Rather than internalizing their criticism, respond with compassion. Stay focused on your journey, and trust in your abilities to guide you.

A Personal Journey with Tall Poppy Syndrome
Reflecting on my own experiences, I remember back in 2010 when I developed an app about Transactional Analysis (TA). At the time, no other app seemed to cover this niche, and I was excited to offer this resource to others. When I shared it, however, a senior colleague disparaged my work, claiming her app had come first—even though, as it turned out, hers was still in development. Rather than viewing my app as a benefit to the field, she saw it as competition.

The criticism was disheartening. I ended up removing the app from the store, convinced that I had somehow overstepped. Looking back, I realize I had let someone else’s insecurity derail my efforts. What truly mattered was the value the app could provide, not who released it first. It was a pivotal experience in my journey to understand and rise above Tall Poppy Syndrome, reinforcing that there is space for everyone to make their unique contributions.

Another instance came when I opened a therapy center, 1.5 miles distance from an established one. Rather than recognizing the potential for collaboration, the existing center’s response was antagonistic. This reaction exemplified scarcity thinking, where competition and fear overshadow a broader view of collective benefit. These encounters helped me recognize that Tall Poppy Syndrome is often driven by fear, scarcity, and insecurity—and that true success lies in staying committed to one’s mission and values.

Keep Growing, Keep Shining
Tall Poppy Syndrome can be a challenge, but recognizing and understanding it is a powerful first step toward overcoming it. The next time you achieve something, take a moment to celebrate it as a testament to your hard work, passion, and perseverance. Remember that standing tall doesn’t just benefit you—it sends a ripple effect that encourages others to embrace their own growth and potential.

At the end of the day, your success and uniqueness are worth celebrating. Don’t let anyone else’s discomfort convince you to shrink. Embrace your passion, your creativity, and your impact, and let your light shine for all to see.

​This past month, I decided to dive into learning a new language—Norwegian. I’ve always had a passion for languages, but this time, I chose to keep it simple and use a language app. While it might not be the most optimal method, it has been an incredibly fun and fulfilling experience. Reflecting on these past few weeks, I’ve been reminded of just how much joy and vitality language learning can bring into daily life.

A Morning Routine That Makes a Difference
Every morning, after finishing my morning pages, I spend about half an hour practicing Norwegian. This simple addition to my routine has added an unexpected layer of positivity and energy to my days. It’s remarkable how small victories—mastering a tricky word, getting the pronunciation of a phrase just right, or understanding a complex sentence—can spark a sense of joy and accomplishment.

What’s even more fascinating is how learning a new language fulfills various aspects of the PERMA-V model of positive psychology:

• Positive Emotion: Each new word or sentence learned offers a burst of happiness and pride. Starting the day with this feeling sets a positive tone and makes the morning brighter.
• Engagement: Language learning brings me into a state of flow. During those 30 minutes, I am completely absorbed in the task. Time flies by so quickly that I often have to remind myself to stop! This level of immersion is not just satisfying; it’s deeply nourishing for mental well-being.
• Vitality: Language learning is not only fun; it’s incredibly healthy for the brain. Research shows that acquiring new skills, particularly languages, can enhance cognitive function and mental agility. For instance, studies indicate that bilingual individuals exhibit better cognitive flexibility and memory (Bialystok et al., 2012). Additionally, engaging in language learning has been linked to delaying the onset of age-related cognitive decline (Bak, 2014). Knowing that this daily practice is boosting my cognitive health adds an extra layer of vitality to my routine.

Beyond these immediate benefits, language learning also promotes increased empathy and cultural awareness. Exploring a new language opens up different perspectives and ways of thinking, fostering a greater understanding of diverse cultures and worldviews.

The Benefits of Daily Language Learning
Learning a new language every day is about so much more than just the final goal of fluency. It’s the daily practice and the journey itself that bring immense value. The process of consistently engaging with a new language cultivates joy, mindfulness, and a sense of accomplishment.

Incorporating this practice into a morning routine provides a significant boost of energy and excitement for the day ahead. It becomes a daily act of self-care, reminding us that personal growth doesn’t always have to be a grind. Instead, it can be something we look forward to—something that enriches our lives in multiple dimensions.

In addition to the mental benefits, language learning offers social and emotional rewards. As we learn a new language, we often gain a deeper appreciation of our own language and culture. This experience can lead to a more profound sense of empathy for others, especially for those who navigate different languages and cultural contexts.

How to Start Reaping the Benefits
If you’re considering learning a new language, know that even small, consistent efforts can lead to significant rewards. Here’s how to make the most of your language-learning journey:

• Set a Routine: Incorporate language learning into your daily routine, whether it’s in the morning, during lunch breaks, or in the evening. Consistency is key to making progress and feeling the benefits over time.
• Use a Variety of Resources: While apps are a great starting point, consider exploring other resources like podcasts, YouTube videos, or language exchange groups for a richer, more immersive experience.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Progress in language learning comes from the small, incremental steps. Celebrate each new word, phrase, or concept you master. Acknowledging these victories reinforces positive emotion and motivation to continue.
• Engage Your Curiosity: Use the process of learning a new language as an opportunity to explore different cultures. Dive into the music, films, literature, and customs associated with the language you’re studying. This not only makes learning more engaging but also broadens your cultural horizons.

Embrace the Benefits of Language Learning
The experience of learning a new language offers a multitude of benefits that go far beyond simply acquiring a new skill. It enriches daily life with moments of joy and accomplishment, enhances cognitive health, and fosters a deeper sense of empathy and cultural appreciation. It’s an ongoing journey that nourishes the mind and spirit, reminding us that growth can be both enjoyable and profoundly fulfilling.

So, if you’re thinking about picking up a new language, know that you’re not just learning words and grammar—you’re engaging in an activity that can transform your daily routine, strengthen your mental well-being, and open up a world of new perspectives. The journey of language learning is its own reward, and its positive impact on your life can be felt each and every day.

References:

Bialystok, E., Craik, F. I. M., & Luk, G. (2012). Bilingualism: Consequences for Mind and Brain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 16(4), 240-250.
Bak, T. H. (2014). The impact of bilingualism on cognitive ageing and dementia. Bilingualism: Language and Cognition, 17(3), 572-574.

​This week, I found myself reflecting on something that comes up a lot in my sessions with clients—hustle culture and the impact it has on people. Recently, a couple of clients shared their experiences with hustle-style coaching, and it reminded me of a common pattern I’ve seen over time. This isn’t just about life coaching; it also happens in fitness, career development, and personal growth. Today, I want to talk about the differences between the hustle mentality and more sustainable, positive approaches because I see the effects so often in my work.

What Happens with Hustle Culture
Hustle culture is all about pushing through. It’s that “all or nothing” mentality that says you have to keep grinding, keep pushing yourself, and maintain extreme discipline to succeed. And for many people, it works—for a while. They see quick results, whether it’s weight loss, career advancement, or achieving personal goals. That initial success can feel empowering, like all the hard work is paying off.

But here’s where the problem begins. The hustle mentality often doesn’t allow room for rest, reflection, or flexibility. It’s built on the idea that discipline alone is the key to success, and if you stop, even for a moment, you’re failing. For many people, this leads to burnout. They find themselves exhausted, unable to keep up with the demands they’ve set for themselves or that a coach has imposed on them.

What’s worse is that when this happens, people often blame themselves. Instead of recognizing that the approach they’re using is unsustainable, they think they’ve failed because they weren’t disciplined enough or strong enough to stick with it. The inner critic becomes louder, and feelings of inadequacy take over. People start thinking, “I’m just not good enough,” or “I need to work harder,” when really, it’s the method itself that’s flawed.

The Impact of Quick-Fix Coaching
In fitness coaching, for example, I’ve seen clients follow programs that promise quick results—rapid weight loss, major body transformations. At first, they feel excited by the immediate progress. But these programs often demand extreme discipline, with rigid rules and no room for personal adjustment. Eventually, the results slow down or plateau, and people feel like they’ve lost momentum. That’s when burnout sets in, and they start to feel like they’ve failed, blaming themselves for not keeping up.

Similarly, in career or personal development coaching, hustle culture can push people to overwork themselves. They might see quick wins—like landing a promotion or hitting a big career milestone—but they’re constantly pushing at full speed. Without time for reflection or self-care, they lose balance. When progress stalls or stress takes over, they feel defeated, as though they should have been able to keep going without breaking down.

Why Positive, Sustainable Approaches Work Better
There’s a big difference between this “hustle” mentality and a more sustainable, positive psychology approach. In my work, I focus on helping clients develop skills and habits that they can maintain over the long term. It’s not about quick wins or extreme discipline. Instead, it’s about understanding their strengths, working with their natural tendencies, and focusing on self-care and balance.

Here’s why this matters:

• Self-Compassion vs. Self-Criticism: Hustle culture often fuels the inner critic, making people feel like they’re not good enough when they can’t keep up. In contrast, a positive approach helps people develop self-compassion, recognizing that growth doesn’t have to be a grind, and it’s okay to move at a slower, more manageable pace.
• Sustainability vs. Burnout: While hustle culture leads to quick wins followed by burnout, sustainable approaches focus on gradual progress. When people work with their strengths and build healthy habits, they’re more likely to keep going without burning out.
• Lasting Confidence vs. Temporary Success: Clients who follow strength-based, person-centered approaches often discover strengths they didn’t realize they had. This builds lasting confidence and self-esteem, rather than the temporary high that comes with quick wins. They feel empowered to keep going because they’re working with themselves, not against themselves.

Why People Blame Themselves
One of the hardest things for people to realize is that when burnout happens, it’s not their fault. The hustle mentality makes them believe that if they didn’t succeed, it’s because they didn’t try hard enough. But in reality, it’s because the system they were following wasn’t built to last. These quick-fix programs set people up for a cycle of early success followed by burnout and self-blame.

If you’ve ever felt this way—like you’re pushing yourself too hard and it’s still not enough—please know that it’s not about you lacking discipline or willpower. It’s about finding an approach that works for you in a sustainable way.

How to Shift to a Sustainable Approach
If you’re ready to move away from the hustle mentality and toward something that actually works long-term, here are a few things to consider:

1. Focus on Your Strengths: What are you naturally good at? Build your approach around those strengths rather than trying to force yourself to fit into a rigid program that doesn’t align with who you are.
2. Allow for Flexibility: It’s okay to adjust your goals or take a break when you need it. Growth isn’t linear, and sometimes slowing down is exactly what you need to keep going in the long run.
3. Check In with Yourself: Regularly ask yourself how you’re feeling—both physically and mentally. If you’re starting to feel burned out, it’s a sign to re-evaluate and maybe ease up a bit.
4. Celebrate Small Wins: Progress is progress, no matter how small. Celebrate the steps you’re taking rather than focusing only on the big milestones. This helps you stay motivated without the pressure to achieve everything at once.
5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. If you’re feeling drained or unmotivated, don’t beat yourself up. Recognize that it’s normal to feel this way, and take time to care for yourself. Self-compassion is a key part of sustainable success.

The Positive Side of Sustainable Growth
I’ve seen clients achieve lasting change by focusing on these more balanced, self-compassionate approaches. Instead of chasing quick wins, they’re building habits that last and learning to appreciate the journey. Sustainable growth isn’t about perfection or pushing yourself to the limit—it’s about creating a path that works for you and allows you to feel good along the way.

If any of this resonates with you or you’ve found yourself stuck in a hustle cycle, I encourage you to take a step back and think about what’s really working for you. Lasting change doesn’t have to be painful. It can be rooted in self-care, awareness, and steady progress. And in the end, that’s where real growth happens.

I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences with hustle culture and whether this resonates with you. Feel free to reach out anytime.

"Do not celebrate your success"

This is not a statement I am making, but it is a “correct” answer in an exam for a meditation course that I participated in. It is run by a yoga school. I call these kind of statements  spiritual gaslighting.
​
Let me tell you why celebrating your success is so important…

In my 13 years of working in mental health and coaching I have seen many people embarrassed of talking about their wins and successes. When I ask about their strengths they would often blush, their body language would change inward. You could feel the discomfort in the room.
 
Most of the time it was a fear of seeming big-headed or appearing as arrogant. I am not talking here about false humility, but of shame.
When this happens I tend to ask about times that were tough, how they overcame them as well as their achievements. Whilst my clients share their stories I look out for signs of strengths they will have used to overcome adversity and note them down on a small whiteboard in front of me, away from my clients' sight. At the end I turn around the whiteboard and show my clients what I have identified. Maybe you can imagine the shock on many faces. When I explain each strength I have spotted, I give an example from what they have told me that proves that this is not some “let's make you feel better” exercise, but instead an honest positive representation of themselves. Those are some of the most beautiful moments in our sessions.  Seeing someone else realize their worth right in front of you and transforming their self-esteem is priceless.
​
So why is it so difficult to celebrate?
 
Many of us tend to focus so much on the daily hustle and bustle and struggle to keep our heads down that we forget to celebrate the successes that we and others have achieved at work and in our private lives. Coupled with pseudo-spiritual statements as the above we are more likely to neglect celebrations. Many of us have never been taught to spot good character traits and strengths in ourelves or others. The effect: you start seeing your achievements negatively. If you focus on what you have not achieved and not on what you are doing, you are less likely to stick to the task and achieve your goals. By not noticing or downplaying your success, you tell yourself that you are doing nothing to be proud of and that you do not deserve to be celebrated. When we celebrate success, no matter how small a win is, we cultivate your success mentality. By telling yourself that success means success, you also succeed at building up your self-confidence and attitude to success.
 
There is a reason why it feels so good when we celebrate success, and it has to do with the neuro-happy chemicals in our brains. Dopamine is released into our brain when we expect to achieve something, and when we achieve it, it feels good, and we want more of it. This way you can condition yourself to seek out that experience again, potentially gaining momentum in productivity and growth.  Taking time to celebrate, not just your own successes, but also the ones of others can elevate your levels of oxytocin and endorphins, increase serotonin and lower cortisol which is responsible for stress. You also experience more moments of positivity resonance with the people around you. These are moments of positive connection that strengthens your bond.
 
How to celebrate if you are not used to it or if you feel shame about it?
Don’t wait for big wins that we have been conditioned to see as the only worthy ones of celebrating. Start celebrating small wins. Those small wins have a ripple effect.
 
Here are six ways you can start celebrating today:

1. You can start off celebrating just by yourself, with a cup of tea or coffee and just taking a little break and get yourself into the present moment.
2. How about a victory dance in the kitchen.
3. Relax and contemplate your win and how you got there. Reflect on your journey and try to identify the strengths you have shown to get you to your win. (Most people never think about their strengths unless they are preparing for a job interview).
4. You can share with a friend who you are close to and who you trust.
5. Say thank you to whoever has supported you in your journey.
6. Have gratitude journal or gratitude jar (yes, gratitude is another way of celebrating your success).

 
Once you are used to celebrating feel free to be more open about your wins and successes. Yes, you might experience envy here and there, but most people around you will join you in your celebration. You might even inspire others to aim for the same goals or to celebrate their own individual wins and successes.
 
Remember, whatever we do has a ripple effect. Just as much as teaching people that celebrating is not healthy can shut people down, sharing your joy and celebrating can teach people to experience healthy pride, increase their sense of self-confidence and bring people closer to each other. All starting off with one little celebration.