Calming Your Nervous System With Your Partner

With Valentine’s Day coming closer I am aware that this day is not celebrated by everyone.
I’d like to encourage you to look at this article not just from a couple perspective, but also from how you can apply what I will be sharing with you to other relationships — where appropriate.
Going with the theme of relationships, I want to talk to you about how a couple’s nervous systems can interact with each other. That’s right! How our nervous systems interact can have a big impact on our relationships, and our mental and physical health.
So what’s it all about?Studies have shown that when two people are in a relationship, their nervous systems are constantly interacting with each other. For example, one study published in the journal “Psychoneuroendocrinology” found that when couples hold hands, their heart rate and stress levels decrease (Light et al., 2005). Another study published in the “Journal of Social Psychology” found that couples who hug and touch each other regularly experience lower levels of stress and anxiety (Grewen et al., 2005).
What does this mean for couples? It means that by co-regulating each other’s nervous systems, couples can help to reduce stress and promote relaxation. But what exactly is co-regulation? Co-regulation is the process of supporting and balancing each other’s nervous systems.
The positive impact of a regulated nervous system

1. Reduced stress and anxiety
2. Improved sleep
3. Increased immunity
4. Improved digestion
5. Increased focus and concentration
6. Better physical performance

How does that look in practice?Here are five examples:

1. Slow breathing: Slow breathing is a simple and effective way for couples to co-regulate. By breathing in sync with each other, couples can help to reduce stress and promote relaxation. (Gustafsson et al., 2015).
2. Touch: Touch is a powerful tool for co-regulation. Whether it’s holding hands, cuddling, or simply giving each other a hug.(Feldman et al., 2015).
3. Spending time in nature: Spending time in nature. Whether it’s going for a walk in the park or simply sitting outside, nature can help to calm our nervous systems (Nisbet et al., 2011).
4. Sharing emotions: Sharing your emotions with your partner. By talking about how you’re feeling, couples can help each other to understand and regulate their emotions (Jacobsen et al., 2011).
5. Practicing mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness together can help to promote co-regulation. Whether it’s through meditation, yoga, or simply paying attention to your breath, mindfulness can help couples reduce stress. (Hofmann et al., 2013).

What else can you think of that might help you and your partner co-regulate? Do you have any advice or tips you’d like to share?

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